WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: Gatorade

2. Last phone call: Roland

3. Last text message: Roland

4. Last song you listened to: Our Song - Spill Canvas

5. Last time you cried: Week ago.



HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: Worst mistake ever.

7. Been cheated on: Yes.

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Yes.

9. Lost someone special: Yes.

10. Been depressed: Not lately, but yes.

11. Been drunk and threw up: Yes!!!



LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:

12. Red

13. Black

14. Purple



THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2011)

15. Made a new friend: Yes

16. Fallen out of love: Yes I did.

17. Laughed until you cried: yes

18. Met someone who changed you: Verily.

19. Found out who your true friends were: Yes

20. Found out someone was talking about you: Oh yeah.

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Most of them.

23. How many kids do you want to have: I don't know if I want any

24. Do you have any pets: A cat!

25. Do you want to change your name: Maybe when I get married.

26. What did you do for your last birthday?: I went out with my ex boyfriend.

27. What time did you wake up today: 9:00am

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: talking on the phone in my living room

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Summer break.

30. Last time you saw your Mother: 2 seconds ago when she was in the same room as me.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: The last six years. Lol. Wasted time.

32. What are you listening to right now: The television.

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes! But not today.

34. What's getting on your nerves right now : This sickness that prevents me from functioning.

35. Most visited webpage: hotmail or 4chan

36. What's your real name: Stacie Marie

37. Nicknames: Stace, Annie, Hawketh, Babe

38. Relationship Status: Ambiguous

39. Zodiac sign: Leo

40. Male or female: female

41. Elementary?: South Side

42. Middle School?: W. Middle School

43. High school/college? W. High School

44. Hair colour: chocolate brown

45. Long or short: medium

46. Height: 5'6"

47. Do you have a crush on someone? : Yes. Yes I do.

48: What do you like about yourself? : My outlandish personality

49. Piercings: Yes.

50. Tattoos: None

51. Righty or lefty : BOTH FOOL



FIRSTS :

52. First surgery: Arm

53. First piercing: Ears

54. First best friend: Mo/Nik/Rafe

55. First sport you joined: I think I played kickball once.

56. First vacation: North Shore baby.

58. First pair of trainers : Filas. Lol



RIGHT NOW

59. Eating: Chicken and rice

60. Drinking: Soda

61. I'm about to: Go poop

62. Listening: Walker Texas Ranger

63. Waiting: a text



YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids?: Unsure

65. Get Married?: Yes

66. Career?: Author



WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes: Both. At the same time.

68. Hugs or kisses: kisses

69. Shorter or taller: Taller

70. Older or Younger: Older

71. Romantic or spontaneous: romantically spontaneous.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomachs are hot.

73. Sensitive or loud: Loud

74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship

75. Trouble-maker or hesitant: trouble maker



HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger: Yes

77. Drank hard liquor: Yes

78. Lost glasses/contacts: Glasses

79. Sex on first date: We only made out.

80. Broken someone's heart: I'm doubting it. I'm not the type.

82. Been arrested: I'm not that exciting.

83. Turned someone down: last night.

84. Cried when someone died: Well yes.

85. Fallen for a friend?: Yes.



DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: Verily

87. Miracles: Peter pan

88. Love at first sight: yes

90. Santa Claus: Sure!

91. Kiss on the first date: If I like the guy

92. Angels: Yes.





ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: Never

95. Did you sing today?: This morning.

96. Ever cheated on somebody?: Never

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: I'd go back three years and match myself to someone.

98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: Christmas

99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Nope. Already there.

100. Posting this as 100 truths?: Who reads this shit anyway?

Not the journal, just me. I live in a new state now. Win.

This song is totally stuck in my head. It's by the Spill Canvas. I have to say if this song is how the next CD they put out is going to sound, I am totally recommitted in my fandom. This shit is good.
Man it's late, I just got home not that long ago from my aunt's place.
We talked about stuff and tomorrow made plans to go shopping or some such.
My mom's boyfriend is in town so I'm trying to be scarce.
I haven't eaten anything all day so I'm pretty freaking hungry.
Anyway, as uneventful as this is, I'm going to go dig up some food and nap.

G'night
Anni

It's a good night as my favorite episode of Metalocoplyse is on.
On the other hand I'm feeling whimsical and better than I was.
My favorite band is releasing songs for awhile although only on their website, I'm okay with it. They have a new CD coming out this year, so I'm sure it'll tingle my taste buds.
Speaking of this year, it's going to be a doozy.

The man of my dreams stepped up to the base and swung. He's back! You know who he is. The same guy thats been my breath for the past however many years. This time it's different. We got plans, kiddies. Big plans.
Not everyone is happy with this obviously, but I'm happy, he's happy, that's all that matters.

On a secretive manner though, he's in the motions to getting something going involving white dresses, cake, and a trip to Vegas.

If you know me, you know what that means.

IF you don't, Vegas is famous for it.

Keep an eye out for more crazy events. February is going to be an interesting month. I have my fingers crossed.

Lots has happened since last we connected. I am single again. That one guy dumped my ass because his family doesn't like me, he doesn't love me anymore, and we're just not compatible. His words not mine.

On the bright side I'm taking it well. I cried for three weeks, tried not to move off the couch, and gave up eating. Considering, things could be worse. I've started eating again, I'm throwing myself into work and I'm busy for 3 weeks out, and I still play Warcraft. I have a new server, new name, and a new guild. I'm living into the femme fatal view of girl gamers and just keeping occupied.

I'm sure when I have a few days to catch my breath this might come back and haunt me, but just for now, Hello internet shows and hello Battlegrounds.

Your ass will be mine.


Signing off,
Stacie

Smash a window.
I'm up in Silver Bay right now sitting in the dark since everyone else has gone to bed.
I can't sleep.
I wanted to talk to my boyfriend before i crashed but he's already conked out for the evening. Mean.
Anyway. I'm off to go play some pokemons.
yay driflooooooooon

1) How old were you?
THEN: 14
NOW: 24 (almost...lol)


2) Where did you go to school?
THEN: Waseca High School
NOW: I am so done with that. Actually, there is college.

3) Where did you work?
THEN: Nope. No job.
NOW: Nope, still a bum. There was work in between though.

4) Where did you live?
THEN: A little white house.
NOW: The same little white house.

5) How was your hairstyle?
THEN: Jet black and straight as a bored.
NOW: Almost the same length with waves and a nice chocolate brown color, with bangs.

6) Did you wear braces?
THEN: Nope!
NOW: Never!

7) Did you wear contacts?
THEN: Nope not then.
NOW: I do on weekends.

8) Did you wear glasses?
THEN: YEah. I lost them a lot.
NOW: I still have them, but lose them less.

9) Who was your best friend?
THEN: I wanna say Naomi or some shit.
NOW: Geoffrey and Rafe are my two life lines.

10) Which of your pets was still alive?
THEN: I wanna say we had just gotten the orange kitten.
NOW: We have the orange cat still who is about 20lbs heavier.

11) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
THEN: I had a huge crush on Corey. I think Tony might be in here somewhere, but I was technically single.
NOW: I has Geoffrey, the light of my life.

12) Who was your celebrity crush?
THEN: Hmm. I wanna say Peter Wingfield from Highlander the Series.
NOW: Vincent from Law and Order CI is soooo hot.

13) Who was your regular-person crush?
THEN: Corey.
NOW: Geoffrey. I'm dating my crush. Although there is that guy in college I've seen that has the olive skin and dark hair and AE clothes. Wowsa!

14) How many piercings did you have?
THEN: My ears, my nose for 2 seconds and an eyebrow.
NOW: Just my ears.

15) How many tattoos did you have?
THEN: Thank God none.
NOW: Still none.

16) What was your favourite band/singer?
THEN: I wanna say the Cure.
NOW: I'm still hooked on the Cure.

17) Had you smoked cigarettes?
THEN: Nevah!
NOW: I smoked for a few months.

18) Had you got drunk?
THEN: I totally snuck wine coolers and drank them in my bedroom.
NOW: A few times now a days. Usually with one of my 2 favorite boys.

19) Had you DRIVEN?
THEN: I'd kind of driven around.
NOW: I love my car.

20) If so which car?
THEN: Family van? Nah I drove the family convertable because it liked me.
NOW: Ford Focus that still has less than 50k miles.

21) Looking back are you where you thought you'd be in ten years time?
Hell no. I thought I'd be married to Tony with kids.
But I'm in school and I have a great guy, so I can't really bitch too much about it.

I haven't wrote anything in ages and I feel that I should probably write something since my last actual post was me in utter confusion. Geoffrey and I had some issues and we did end breaking up. We stayed this way for a few months before in February we decided to reconnect and back up where we were and go from there. I still don't know if things are going to work out, but we still connect and I think we have something good.

In other news I went back to school as this is where I am writing this. It hasn't been a good semester. I'm on the path to find a job to fill up the empty summer hours so I don't end up playing World of Warcraft and sinking into depression. I took a painting class and discovered that although I love painting, this class is making it less of a hobby and more of a full time job. I can barely afford to pay for the materials. Next week is finals and I'm looking forwards to them. I think I'll do alright in my history class. I might fail painting, only for the fact of absences. Not that my painting skills suck.

I hope to see more of the wide world this summer if possible.
Maybe another 8 hour drive to the south. We'll see how things go.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
NO CHEATING...

What does next year have in store for me?
"Dead Will Walk" - Bella Morte
So the zombies are coming for me?

What does your love life look like?
"Helicopter" - Bloc Party
I must like to dance

What do I say when life gets hard?
"Top of the World" - The Carpenters
it' like it's trying to be positive.

What do I think when I get up in the morning?
"Slow Down..." - The Academy Is...
I can believe this.

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
"What to do in Case of Fire" - Desert City Soundtrack
Oh no. Break the window!

What do you want as a career?
"Dark Blue" - Jack's Mannequin
I have no idea

Your favorite saying?
"Vindicated" - Dashboard Confessional
That's just silly

Favorite place?
"The Lying Lies & Dirty Secrets Of Miss Erica Court" - Coheed and Cambria
Does this count as a place?

What do you think of your parents?
"Whispering" - I Can Make A Mess Like Nobody's Business
SHHHH

Where would you go on a first date?
"Delilah" - Dresdon Dolls
I'm a lesbian now?

Drug of choice?
"Introduction" - thursday
I do smoke the reefer sometimes.

Describe yourself:
"Witches Song" - Juliana Hatfield

What is the thing I like doing most?
"Within You" - David Bowie

The song that best describes the president?
"Teenage Riot" - The Ataris
REBLLION!

What is my state of mind like at the moment?
"Road To Salinas" - Goo Goo Dolls

How will I die?
"Want" - The Cure

The song you'll put as the subject?
"Staplegunned" - Spill Canvas

Thinking back on all the crap I've done over the years makes my head spin. Wondering why I intentionally hurt the people I was close too and why I felt the need to glory over it like it was a game. If I had held onto those friendships maybe I wouldn't be as alone or as inverted as I feel right now.

I like to think of my first love as Blake and deny the fact that a boy named Tony ever existed, but I can't. I learned more from an adolescent internet relationship than the real one that was co-existing. The on again, off again was a head-start for future romantic failures. And there were a good few in a very short amount of time. My first thought was to run off and join the circus. I did the next best thing and dated guy that asked me out. I was fresh out of High School, working a part-time/full time job and I had a lot of free time to contemplate my next move.

It was also during this time my father was diagnosed with cancer. Add that to the fruit basket of my emotions, feelings and the social circle I was in, and I'm surprised I didn't become a drug addict. I cut myself off from all the social connections I had spent so much time building in less than a month. I was also faced with the realization that none of the people I had considered close were really friends. Not life friends anyway. I held onto the internet friendships of random boys from different parts of the country. Mike, Anthony, Geoffrey. I immersed myself in role playing games trying to forget the fact my father was dying.

The next part is where I wonder if I'd lost my sanity or if it just evolved. My mother was barely hanging on, I was watching a lot of anime and playing on the internet more than going out. We went to Vegas after my dad died and soon after I went to Michigan to see Anthony. It was more of a I have to prove to myself that this is over and done sort of thing. I stayed with him and his girlfriend. It wasn't that bad of a trip. I realized that it was over, done, and Anthony and I had died a slow painful death. It was about time. That summer little else happened. I gained a new friend, Heather, and we spent most of it bullshitting about.

I also fell in with Geoffrey again. He'd broken up with a long term girlfriend and was seeing another girl via the internet. Little did I know that when the game we were all playing in died, so would their relationship. The next summer was spent gabbing on the phone with Geoffrey almost every night. That October started the mishap of where I am now. I wanted an adult relationship and it was, for the most part.

A bit later down the road we decided to move in together. Thus starts my destruction of our relationship. It wasn't just one thing that seemed to doom us. In hindsight it was my talking, asking, and giving unwanted advise and Geoffrey ignoring it, brushing it aside. I really don't think he wanted to move in with me. In honesty I think he just wanted to move out and saw our relationship as away to do it. The more I think about us and how we were, the more I come to the conclusion that he really doesn't see me in the same light as he does his family and friends. Three months ago I moved in with him. The new place, the lack of adjusting, just a bunch of things stacked. I left. I guess I have this problem of self destructing relationships with people.

I'm not sure where this relationship is right now, if it's still going on, or of it's just dying another slow death. It exhausts me to think about it. We don't talk anymore like we used to nor do we talk about the future. Although in the next few years I'll be moving back to Kentucky. It's not that I hate the state or anything, I just didn't like the place I was. It'll be okay. And even if things don't work out, I'll keep going on. I'll readjust myself and pump my self esteem up. A relationship does not make you the person you are, nor does it change any of the basis of you.